Gap Relief 2023 Year in Review

2023 has been a year for the Gap Relief books! We’ve expanded our team by 7. We’ve really settled into our office space. Our team group chat constantly has us laughing and is our favorite text thread!

AND

We have also had so many amazing opportunities to help community helpers build resilient communities.

In 2023…

💙 Gap Relief has provided over 4,400 trauma therapy and coaching sessions this year. (And counting!)

💙 We have facilitated over 15 extended trauma therapy intensives.

💙 We have traveled abroad twice to work with international nonprofit teams serving communities across the world.

💙 We have facilitated 45 (and counting!) trainings to NWA public school staff as a part of our T.I.E.R.S. program, working with educators and administrators to provide relief and better equip them to serve their communities with trauma-informed resources.

💙 We have worked to support law enforcement officers at three different police departments.

💙 We have facilitated around 25 group trainings for our community partners in areas related to attachment, the Enneagram, community trauma awareness, stress resiliency, and law enforcement support.

💙 We have provided over 340 Neurofeedback treatments. (And counting!)

We are so excited to continue this work and build more things to help more helpers in 2024! Thank you to our fellow Gap Relievers who come alongside us to support the work we do. We are better with you.

Not only are we better with you, we cannot do this work without you! While we are able to fund a portion of our projects through client services, Gap Relief depends largely on community contributions to hold up the arms of the helpers that make our communities safe, functional, and healthy.  We believe that when we link arms with each other, incredible things can happen! If you would like to contribute to the big things we have planned in 2024, please do so here.

Navigating Holiday Overwhelm in a Trauma-Informed Way

We all know the holiday season can be filled with magic, connection, and joy. It can also be filled with tension, conflict, and heartbreak. This is especially true for our community servants standing in spaces of hardship and trauma to keep those around us safe. We are of course talking about people like first responders, healthcare workers, the adoption community, nonprofit leaders, educators, and other helpers vital to the communities they serve. We’re talking about those of us who often find ourselves trading a “typical” holiday season for a trauma-informed one.

As helpers, our eyes naturally go outward versus inward; often looking at the people around us instead of ourselves or our own interests. During the holiday season, this can cause teachers to be highly aware of their students spending extended time at home where they may not have adequate resources or even feel safe. It can mean healthcare workers and counselors are sitting with patients and clients who are struggling with triggers that bring all of their trauma to the surface. Instead of seeing people with joy on their faces during the holiday season, first responders often find themselves serving people on the worst day of their lives.  In addition to these realities, we helpers are often navigating our own pain, stress, and trauma during this season. 

In the midst of the hard that the holiday season often brings, it becomes difficult for community helpers to find space to breathe, recover, and put our oxygen masks on first in order to keep going. As we see the stress levels around us go up during the holiday season, the natural instinct is to reach more and to help more–which is counterintuitive to what is actually needed in order to remain sustained through the season. Helpers need space, time, and rhythms of rest and joy in order to recharge, process, grieve, and carry out our missions. This might look like intentional space to slow down and lean into our own care. This may look like counseling, spending time with people that can hold our arms up, and rest. It looks like spending time with people who feel like recovery instead of those who feel obligatory.

Helpers spend most of our time looking at darkness and hardship, and this holiday season we need to spend intentional time looking at people and things that feel like light. We need to be aware of our bodies and where we are holding our stress. Being intentional to scan our physical selves and move in a way that brings healing is imperative to the rest and recovery that helpers need in the holiday season to carry out our missions through the rest of the year.

One of the difficulties that comes with these needs is the ability to communicate them to others. Community servants are often high-capacity people who can go long periods of time without pausing for recovery. As helpers ourselves, we need to remember to notice our needs and say them out loud. Instincts can tell us that as we see the high needs around us, we should not add to these needs with more of our own. The important thing to remember is that when we can share and confess where we are at, co-regulation can occur where those around us feel less alone in their own stress and we can feel like we are in it together.

As unbelievable as it can seem, the simple act of communicating our needs can begin to reduce stress levels, even without physical “help.” Studies show that test subjects working through stress alone burn up to six times more glucose than subjects working through stress with another person. When confessing pain and stress aloud, the part of our brain that puts energy toward survival begins to move some of that energy toward the part of our brain that lends itself to thinking and processing, allowing us to keep doing what we do best: helping others. Simply inviting someone else into our pain is enough to begin healing.

So what does a healthy holiday season look like for helpers? It starts with intentional awareness of our condition. Taking the time to do regular scans of heart, body, mind, and soul and asking the questions “What am I thinking? Feeling? Noticing in my body? Noticing and telling myself ABOUT myself in this season?” Reminding ourselves that we are loved, valued, and that we matter is an integral part of remaining healthy when we may not get that feedback from the people we serve.  A healthy holiday season looks like reminding ourselves that intentionally allowing ourselves to experience the joy and magic of the season is not peripheral to the needs around us. It is a necessary part of the healing and wholeness we need to keep going.

The holiday season is bright and wonderful, but it is short. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t be as special as it is. Taking the time within this season to set boundaries about how much time we spend with the hardship that we normally face day-in and day-out is healthy in order to do what we do best during the rest of the year.

It is not selfish. It is not wrong. It is necessary in order to serve those who depend on us.

The holidays can be so special for helpers. We can see really beautiful things around us if our eyes are open to them. The intentionality of keeping our eyes open to what we might see, whether that is within our own homes, families, jobs or in the community at large, is so GOOD. It helps us even to see the other helpers standing in the fire alongside us fighting for their own rest and recovery. Keeping awareness of the beauty and joy of the holidays can hand us so much healing and growth we need desperately to be the helpers we were made to be.

Amy Butler:An Adoptive Parent Perspective

Below are the words of one of Gap Relief’s Co-Founders, Amy Butler. Amy is a trauma therapist, a Gap Relief Director, and an adoptive mother. She and her family have adopted twice–once privately and once through the foster care system. She is also a former foster parent trainer and works with adoptive families post-placement to prepare, equip, and walk alongside them through their adoption journey.

In the adoption community as well as the larger community around us, there are often differing views on adoption. While adoptive parents have often been the focus of the discussion surrounding adoption, there is still much misunderstanding surrounding what parents experience and have to navigate as they walk through the muddy waters of trauma, intertwining relationships, and integrating a new member into their family. We have previously posted blogs featuring the voices of an adoptee and a birth mother–each of which deserves to be elevated more often in adoption discussions. But today, we are going to highlight some of the struggles that adoptive parents face and how we as a community can surround them with love, understanding, and the help they actually need.

Adoptive families take a journey that does not often fit mainstream concepts of how a family should operate. Adoptive families often spend their daily lives navigating trauma levels, neurodiversity, and attachment challenges. This unique terrain requires adoptive families to walk parenting and familial relationships in ways that might not make sense to others. In fact, adoptive families might often experience judgment in these differences. Traditional parenting has to be replaced with trauma-informed parenting.

There is often no social script for how a community can wrap around an adoptive family. If the adopted child enters their family as a baby, it’s possible that the traditional social script of a baby shower may enter the scene. However, there are fewer social scripts for when an adopted child enters a home as an older child or teenager. Families adopting older children have just as many needs for community support as those adopting babies, but there are fewer eyes to see these needs.

Sometimes adoptive families will get comments such as “that child is so lucky to have you“. These kinds of comments are usually understood as kindness by the adoptive family, but there can also be pain connected to hearing them . Most adoptive families do not tell the story that they are their child’s hero. The adoptive family holds space for the biological family with grief in their heart. There is usually not a lot of pride in being a child’s rescuer. Instead, there are complex emotions of grief, humility, brokenness, and a recognition that adoption starts with a disruption for all involved. 

Another major misunderstanding can occur when it becomes necessary for an adoptive family to disrupt their adopted child from their home. Most families that come to this decision do it with great grief in their heart after a considerable amount of fighting for the child to stay. In most cases, the decision to disrupt becomes about restoring safety for other children in the home who are traumatically impacted by this child. It is my experience that families who have walked this heartbreaking journey are brave and face the honest truth of their situation head on. In this place, there are no pretty answers and no pretty decisions. It truly feels like a no-win situation. And yet at the end of the day, all children deserve to be safe and fought for. Sometimes this means a child needs to be placed in another situation for them to have their best chance at life. When this happens, this family needs a lot of compassion and care. They walk the journey that most people would never choose to walk (adoption and foster care), and they deserve to be respected in the hard they chose to walk on behalf of vulnerable children.

Now that we understand a bit of what adoptive families face, it’s important to highlight how these parents are often left feeling unequipped and alone in what they have chosen–a facet of adoption that Gap Relief hopes to help change in our work with adoptive families. Most agencies really put great effort into trying to train families to be prepared for upcoming foster care or adoptions. However, it is one thing to hear and know a truth and it is another entirely to experience it firsthand. Most families are prepared cognitively for the journey, but are often shocked and overwhelmed when the experience of that truth actually hits them. This is why having a support system in place and ready to support us is so important. When the experience of the hard actually hits, we need people doing very practical things for us. Allowing others to do the things that they are able to do allows the adoptive family to focus on what only they can do which is attach, bond, and care-give.

In my own story, I was highly impacted by the trauma levels of the children we brought into our house. As a protector and caregiver to them, what was done to them had to come out and be cared for over time. When these hurts come out it’s really challenging and exhausting. They deserve to have the safety to work through what has happened to them, and at the same time the adoptive parents are having to build resilience to their kids’ behaviors and needs. The trauma impact adoptive families experience here often requires them to seek their own trauma care.

A disclaimer should exist for the beginning of an adoption journey. “Once you enter, you will never be the same. The painful gift given to you by your adopted child will be that you can no longer be unaware of your own stuff. You will continually have to choose if you will heal or self destruct. You will learn to love in a way that is not of this world. It won’t be fair. You will lose people along the way.  You will be judged.  You will also lose and find yourself. You will grieve. But one day you will wake up and see with new eyes.”

If there are other children in the home, these children also incur trauma impact from adoption. Each child deserves to be assessed for impact and given the resources they need to work through any transitions or painful experiences connected to the adoption. It truly is disruptive for all involved–including grandparents and other extended family members.

Healthy adoptive families lean into the resources around them and ask for help. They recognize they can’t do what they’re doing alone and that they need a strong community that steps in to help in practical ways. Healthy also looks like engaging trauma care resources and making space for each member to be where they’re at with the impact and their growth journey. Healthy looks like truth-telling, grace, love, taking breaks, rest, repairing ruptures, expectations that match where each member is, healthy boundaries, parenting in a trauma-informed way, space for siblings to have their own space and interest, and more.

Unhealthy adoptive families would look the exact opposite of this. An unhealthy system may look like a family who overly isolates, avoids uncomfortable truths, never asks for help, stays too private, avoids trauma care resources, places mainstream family dynamics onto themselves, is not open and honest, or does not show respect to biological families. 

Each member of the family could highly benefit from trauma-informed counseling. Adoptive families really do engage a more intense reality than other mainstream families. They simply need more support to sustain their mission.

So, how can we as a community support and understand foster and adoptive families better? First and foremost, we can do practical things to love on them! There are things about parenting adopted children that require much of the adoptive parents, and extended community simply cannot meet those needs. However, to offer to mow the yard, create a meal train, put up their Christmas decorations, etc. will make all the difference in the world to them. This is the kind of relief that helps them stay on their mission.

Brittany Wiggington: A Birth Mother Perspective

Below are the words of Brittany Wiggington, a close friend of Gap Relief as an organization and an important community member as both a birth mother and an adoptive mother. We honor her voice and perspective and are grateful to have the opportunity to share it with you, our people.

My story begins when I was 16 years old and an adoption plan was made for me and my baby. I do believe my parents made the best decision they felt they could make at the time, but that doesn’t mean they did it well.

I navigated all the emotions of pregnancy and really the loss of my daughter alone. I think my parents’ generation was more about moving on from it and the mindset of “don’t look back and you’ll ‘forget.’” As hopefully most of us now know—that doesn’t happen, nor is it the way to heal from trauma.

I didn’t seek counseling or really realize I needed it until I was 22. I had recently moved to Arkansas and was kind of figuring out who I was for myself for the first time. It was the first time I was able to make my own “big girl” decision of where to live and I came here alone. I met Amy (Gap Relief Director) not long after I came to town and was just sharing my story with her. I can’t tell you how those conversations went or any of the wise words or comfort she gave to me—but I can tell you I felt seen, heard, and really listened to for the first time.

Fast forward to 2019 and I started working with other birth moms and walking all the parts of their story alongside them. I found myself being who and what I have wanted for myself when I was walking their same road all those years ago. I found such a missing piece with the care they were getting because SO much focus is on adoptive parents and things they need to learn or do well. A lot of time and effort is given (in the line of work I was in) to making relationships between adoptive families and these expectant women, but then after the baby was born these mommas were almost an afterthought.

Post adoption support is needed for adoptive parents but dare I say even more so for these birth moms. Just because they have the need or want for a placement plan doesn’t mean it is what they intended for their life. To forever miss milestones, have miles of distance, and their kids not know them… no momma WANTS that.

The moms that I work with usually have more of an open adoption plan. What this looks like can vary, but it usually includes pictures, updates, and visits. Even this can be a challenge with adoptive parents to keep their word AFTER placement. It’s “easy” pre birth as an adoptive family who has waited on this moment for years to agree to things or be so intentional about checking in on momma and baby, but then after placement any number of things can happen. Life gets busy. Birth mom may not reply to messages or may seemingly be a little distant. Birth mom may make choices that worry or differ from ones adoptive families may make.

I’d love to encourage adoptive parents to see beyond these issues and fight to keep their word for whatever adoption agreement was made. You never know what that birth mom has been through, how she is walking her grief, or what kind of support system, if any, she has.

Navigating the post adoption process can be hard and complicated for all parts of the adoption community INCLUDING the birth mom. I am so thankful for all that Gap Relief has taught me and the change it has fostered in me so that I could walk this path differently, better, and move forward to empower these women for years to come. I now work for an organization that is able to offer counseling services to all of our birth moms, and they are always so grateful to have these services available!

Andrew Munneke: An Adoptee Perspective

Below are the words of one of our valued team members, Andrew Munneke. Andrew is an adoptee and as the most important member of the Adoption Constellation, we honor his voice first and foremost. We at Gap Relief are so grateful for his honesty and humanity in sharing this with us as we share it with readers.

Every adoption story starts with a loss.

Honestly, it's hard to write about my story as an adoptee. On the one hand, I am grateful I was adopted. I was given over to my adoptive family when I was just three days old. I grew up in a house that supported and provided for me. I went to private schools and had my college degree (and three master's degrees) paid for by my family. And growing up, I didn't experience neglect or any other major traumas in my family of origin.

Yet, I grew up never feeling like I belonged. I struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life (adoptees are twice as likely to develop mental health issues than non-adoptees). I have thought about suicide most of my life (adoptees are four times as likely to commit suicide as non-adoptees). I always had a low self-worth and felt my presence didn't matter. I constantly feared that if my friends discovered the true me, I would be rejected.

That consistent hum of heart was to belong, yet my strongest belief was that I was alone.

That's because adoption is trauma. And it took me a long time to understand that the first sentence of this blog was also the first moment of my life. My life started with a loss.

Curt Thompson says, "We are all born into the world looking for someone looking for us, and we remain in this mode of searching for the rest of our lives." There is a deep need in all of us for belonging. We know more about attachment and neuroscience than we did when I was born in 1982. For instance, in the womb, a baby learns to recognize the rhythm of its mother's heartbeat and the sound of her voice. The third trimester is also a crucial time of development for the sympathetic nervous system (which controls fight or flight responses), which will be fully developed by the time the baby is born. This is why when a baby is born, and his first cries echo in the delivery room, the doctors place the baby skin to skin on his mother so that he can be reminded of the womb by feeling her warm embrace and hearing the soothing rhythm of her heart.

But when you are adopted, you don't receive that connection and the soothing of your nervous system. You get rolled away from the one voice and source of nourishment and security you have ever known. Your first attachment becomes severed from you. And your nervous system never forgets that. I know mine hasn't. My body has not forgotten the first message it received: "You have to make it on your own."

With your first attachment severed at birth, it's understandable how adoptees feel like they have a deficit of belonging. It's as if what is most familiar to us is the feeling of being alone. I used to tell my therapist that depression and loneliness feel like the oldest friend I know.

As adoptees grow up, we get these consistent reminders that we don't belong. I remember in the 6th grade; I was asked to determine which genetic traits I got from my parents and had that feeling in my stomach that I didn't know my biological parents. Or when I was 10, my mom invited me to "Adopt a cat" for the family. This courteous gesture from my mother turned into an internal crisis and confusion about how she used the same word, "adoption," for the cat as she would for me. And even to this day, I am reminded of the family I do not know when the doctor asks me for my family medical history, and I have to say, "I don't know."

And here is one thing I think it's hard for non-adoptees to understand. Telling an adoptee, "You were chosen," "You completed a family," or "I don't see you as adopted," will never remove the primal wound from the trauma of adoption. It's wired into our brains. We carry it in our DNA. It's stitched into our nervous system.

But that does not mean we are without hope or healing. Even though I am at a place in my story where I have done the work to understand how my adoption has affected my relationship with others and myself, I am grateful for my biological mother, who gave me life, and for my family, who sustained my life. Yes, I have felt some of the tremendous aches and pains of the human heart, where my soul felt like it couldn't bear it anymore. But I have also experienced joy. I have stayed up late laughing with friends until I couldn't catch my breath. I have loved and been loved. And I have carried three little human beings in my arms, who would not have life if I was not given mine.

For that, I will always be grateful. 

National Adoption Month101

For National Adoption Month, we are so excited to be sharing blog posts representing the perspectives of different members of the Adoption Constellation. These will be community partners, Gap Relief team members, and individuals closely connected with us as an organization. We believe that every member of the adoption community is valued, necessary, and trauma-impacted. As one of our valued sectors, it is our honor to walk toward the adoption community as a whole and sit in spaces of healing and wholeness alongside them (and this includes our own team!).

We wanted to start with an overview of the adoption community and what each member brings to the table. We are thrilled to partner with Michaela Montie, Co-Founder and Executive Director of Shared Beginnings, for this post. Shared Beginnings is an adoption agency that has a unique primary focus of providing support to birth mothers before, during, and after adoptive placement.

Disclaimer from Michaela: As I write this, I do want to explicitly state that I am not a trained counselor or mental health professional. I have only lived ONE experience as part of the adoptive community–that of the adoptive parent. However, I consider myself to have experience as a birth parent and an adoptee advocate as well. I have both of these within my family that I hold near and dear. I have waded through the hard times with them–time and time again. This does not mean I'm an expert, but it does mean that I have observations to share from walking life side-by-side with them as I have seen first-hand the impact of advocacy in their stories as well as the impact of their experiences themselves.  Again, I am NOT speaking on their behalf, but am simply sharing my lifelong journey of foster care and adoption.

The adoptive parents’ experience has traditionally been considered the center of an adoption story. In recent years however, the idea of an Adoption Triad has been shared more and more. The idea behind the triad is that the equal parts of the triangle represent the birth or first family, the adoptive family, and the adoptee. Even more recently, we hear language like "Adoption Triad" or "Triad Members" shifting more towards "Adoption Constellation" or "Constellation Members". Claire Hudson and POST Adoption Resources have really championed this change. Adoption is not clean. It's messy and its reach and impact is far. It has ripple effects and the people impacted can be plotted more within a constellation than a neat triangle. 

At the CORE, in a perfect world, adoption would NOT exist. The nuclear family would be able to provide adequate care for every family member. But the world we live in is not perfect. As long as a biological parents or family members have been deemed safe and can provide adequate care, reunification and kinship placement should always be the first avenues explored to reduce the long-term childhood trauma that can coincide with any shift of a child’s primary caregiver. 

With this considered, we hope to lay the groundwork in defining some of the members that make up the Adoption Constellation. When reunification and kinship placement is not possible, an adoption plan is the next-best option for healing and wholeness for a child. Within any Adoption or Foster Care story there are MANY members. Let’s walk through them.

Birth Parents - The adoption story begins here. Through whatever path life has taken them down, these are the biological parents of the child who will become known as the adoptee. Their life circumstances and situations are as diverse as you can imagine. For some, adoption as a parenting option is their CHOICE. For some, parental rights are terminated by a court of law.

Adoptees - These are the individual children who will ultimately be adopted.  They may come from other countries, the United States foster care system, or have had parents proactively decide to make an adoption parenting plan for them as infants. Each child and situation has its own complexities, loss, and trauma. Additionally, most adoptees have NOT previously been orphans.

Adoptive Parents - These are individuals who take on the legal rights of parents and are responsible to provide for the welfare of a child (or in some cases an adult) that may or may not be biologically related to them. In many adoptions there is no biological relationship, although we do see kinship adoption numbers rising within the United States.

Foster Child- This is a minor in the state's custody (usually the Department of Family Services, although each state’s department title may differ slightly). This child still has parents. They are NOT orphans. The state has direct responsibility for care and custody while parents work their case plan.  Case plans often include several requirements designed to increase parenting skills and resources while ensuring safe circumstances for the child’s potential return home. During such time, they are placed in a licensed foster home with adults capable of caring for their needs.

Foster Parents - licensed individuals who have agreed to temporarily house children for the purpose of reunification with their biological family. They are provided a stipend by the state to meet the child's basic needs.

Support System - We consider these to be Constellation Members as well. These are people who stand in hard places alongside others and offer them the physical and emotional support needed to carry out their mission of adoption, being adopted, working a case plan for reunification, or placing their child for adoption.

The adoption community is an integral part of our community as a whole! Our hope is that throughout this National Adoption Month, we are able to increase awareness around the adoption constellation and the stories held within it, while fostering curiosity around the role we may play in supporting this part of our community. 

Posts to come: Join us over the next few weeks as we share an adoptee perspective from the Gap Relief team, the story of a birth mom, and hear from one of our founders as she shares about her experiences as an adoptive mom! 

If you’d like to learn more about Michaela’s story or Shared Beginnings and the services they provide, please visit www.sharedbeginnings.org

Teen Counseling, Trauma, and Mental Health

As people who have all been teenages once upon a time, many of us are still curious about this unique age range. Teenagers are simultaneously independent and dependent—smart enough to have good ideas and interesting takes on issues, but young enough to not always have the wisdom to follow through with them. They have big feelings and emotional needs, along with the awareness to notice when those aren’t met. They are complicated, amazing, fun, infuriating, and insightful—and the therapists that have a big heart for teenages are absolute gold.

Teenage years are such an exciting and confusing time. There is excitement around having more independence and exploring new interests, but this is often met with identity confusion, relationship strain, and a host of worldly pressures. As teenagers become more exposed to hard things in their world, they may not yet have the tools to understand how they are being impacted by the world around them. 

One important thing to notice when in  connection to teenagers is their expression (or lack of expression) of emotions. Emotions are part of the way we communicate things that are important to us. Teens may become "louder" as they try to communicate something that is important to them. They may become passionate about a specific cause or angry when there is a limit put on their independence. Or they could become "quieter", which could indicate they are internally holding their sadness and anxiety, or could also indicate the fact that they simply  don't have a way to communicate their feelings yet.

One of Gap Relief’s teen-focused counselors states that she doesn’t like labeling teenagers as dramatic, moody, or immature just because their emotional expression is different than an adult's. She laments that “Honestly, adults have usually just found a way to mask or deal with their emotions in a way that is more acceptable in society. That doesn't mean it is necessarily the healthiest.” Teenagers are at a precious and unique time in life where their emotional development can be valued, cared for, and equipped, rather than dismissed as "just a teenager thing". Dismissing how teenagers are emotionally impacted means missing a vital part of what is important to them and who they are becoming.

Going towards teenagers with therapeutic services often looks different than when working with adults. Spending time developing the therapeutic relationship with teens is imperative when working with them. Adults more often come in with goals in mind and may jump right into deep therapeutic work, while teenagers usually require more time to feel safe and comfortable with their counselor. Therapy sessions typically include more time learning about the teen's interests, activities, and friend groups because those things are important to them, help them feel known, and have a significant impact on them. A good conversation about anime, video games, or social drama can go a long way.

Teenagers experience trauma just as kids and adults do.  However, the impact of trauma often presents differently for teens, which can cause stress on parents and caregivers less attuned to the way teenagers process these things. Trauma occurs when we are stuck in experiences where we feel powerless, unsafe, or helpless in a way that overrides our ability to cope. We are unable to leave the experience, fight back, or be heard in a way that is believed or receives the help we need. Teens may experience forms of trauma that are hard for adults to understand because they may differ from their experience as teenagers. However, when a teen shares his/her story, it is important to believe his or her experience and seek to understand how and why the impact has been so significant… even if the impact feels different than what you would anticipate. In fact, dismissing the teen’s story may do more damage.  Trauma impact can be significantly lessened or increased depending on the resources and connections an individual has available at the time of impact—and if a teen is sharing his/her story with you, you have the opportunity to help mitigate this impact! 

Attachment Theory describes the importance of a "felt sense" of safety and the ability for someone to return to a "safe haven" after being exposed to something new and scary. If someone experiences something traumatic and they do not have a safe place to go for recovery and safe human connection, longer-lasting impacts such as anxiety and depression may increase. For teens, their "safe havens" often change and become cloudy or even compromised over periods of time.  For example, friend groups may begin to feel more safe than family because friends understand the pressures of school social status more than parents do. Or maybe friend groups become compromised and there are hard things going on at home, so they can only find a sense of calm and safety by escaping into a fantasy world in their books or video games. When teens have a place to go where they experience connection and safety, their painful experiences can be met with care, compassion, and support. The alternative is being stuck in a felt sense of powerlessness and helplessness, which increases the likelihood of any difficult symptoms lasting into adulthood.

When working with teens, seeking to understand the true joys and struggles of their current world is so important to building connections that lead to felt safety. One of our teen-focused counselors encourages us to remember that “The impacts of an experience will not be easily resolved by logic. Logic can provide a framework for understanding, but true safety needs to be felt. How are you helping your teen feel safe- safe to confess, safe to hurt, safe to be angry, safe to ask for help? Or what is blocking that feeling of safety?”

It is helpful when parents and/or caregivers can show genuine interest in what their teen is learning as a way to support and know their child more, but it is also important for parents/caregivers to allow teens to share at their own pace. Parents can provide space to hear what their teen is processing and learning in counseling, but be careful not to pressure them or give a timeline for healing and growth.

Working with teens is a special and unique capability and it is so incredibly needed in the world of trauma care. Teenagers experience the world around them deeply, and when they are standing in trauma either because of their circumstances, their choice, or their family’s occupation or choices, their own trauma care is absolutely necessary to walk toward healing and wholeness into adulthood. When teens are shy and closed-off, our counselors get excited about the challenge of getting a teenager to open up because they get to show them that they are worth their time and effort in whatever capacity they need to show up. If they have a guard up, it's for a reason. Valuing their protective behaviors is the beginning of showing value to the more vulnerable things they are protecting.

How Play Therapy Helps Kids Heal

We know that good therapy can look many different ways and range across many methods and practices, and one of our favorite practices is Play Therapy. Play Therapy is primarily utilized with children and taps into their basic method of communication–play! Rather than asking kids to sit and talk which may not come as naturally to them, play therapy offers children effective ways to process their story and communicate experiences. When describing the difference between traditional counseling and Play Therapy, The University of North Texas (often considered a major Play Therapy hub) states, “Play Therapy is to children what counseling is to adults.”

Children naturally communicate through play. While a child may not be able to use words to describe how they are feeling, they may be able to utilize a dollhouse to show you what happened or a puppet to make a sad face. In addition, banging lots of toys together may reflect the anger they are feeling, or dumping toys all over may reflect the chaos they feel inside. Using Play Therapy, therapists are able to get to the heart of what children are experiencing in a more authentic and less intimidating way.

"Toys are children's words and play is their language." -Gary Landreth, author and creator of Child Centered Play Therapy

Play Therapists begin with one primary objective: create safety for the child--both physical safety and felt safety. This safety lays the groundwork for progress and connection in the therapeutic process, allowing the child to dig into hard things knowing they are safe and will be caught in their experience. Building this connection can look different from child to child. Determining factors can be age and stage of development, but often it looks like connection through play and shared interest. Showing interest in things that are important to them and staying attuned to them and what they are doing/saying are vital practices when building a therapeutic connection with a child. In addition, Play Therapists always communicate plans and expectations for sessions up-front. Goals always include safety and having fun, which often looks like giving children autonomy to choose the activities utilized in session (giving control to the child who often feels a lack of control in their world) but also giving boundaries to keep them safe.

Connection with a child then allows a Play Therapist to begin noticing behaviors that point to underlying experiences and feelings. They may notice repetitive behavior, doing the same form of play every session, aggression/anger, control (organizing things, giving instructions), chaotic play, etc. One Play Therapist once had a kiddo dump every single toy into the sandbox. Kids need a sense of control. So much of their life is decided for them so it helps to have a place where they have the freedom to express themselves and be accepted.

So much good work with a child happens through play in a therapy office, but this one hour per week is only part of the effort needed to repair neuro-pathways and make good progress in healing for a child. We asked a Play Therapist how parents can help their child to lasting healing at home, and she said “I always tell parents and kiddos (assuming the parent is a safe place for the kiddo) that the most work is going to happen at home. I want to partner with parents and want them to have access to be while still maintaining the therapeutic space for the child. I have done monthly parents sessions, brought parents into session, given kids the task of talking to their parents about what we did in session, and other healthy practices. I want parents to feel they are an integral part of their child’s healing process and will chat with them every step of the way.”

Play Therapy is THE best way for our children to walk toward healthy healing for all kinds of life experiences, and a good, connected therapist partnering with intentional parents is the perfect combination for this journey.

Healthy Attachment for Healthy Healing

One of Gap Relief’s valued therapeutic practices is Attachment Coaching. Attachment can be defined as a deep relational bond that endures across time and space, and there are immense bodies of research indicating the importance of healthy attachment relationships when considering psychological and emotional health. Our TBRI practitioner is well-versed in working through attachment wounds in both children and adults, and has helped countless people work through these injuries as they engage their healing journeys. We wanted to spend some time talking about what we mean when we say “Attachment Coaching,” and discuss how it can be incredibly valuable to anyone who is taking steps towards healing. 

Our Attachment Coach first works with clients to discover their attachment style, and then walks with them as they take steps towards more secure attachments. So, what is an “attachment style?” Our attachment style is initially formed through our earliest experiences with our caregivers. As a reminder, we can only give what we got as children until we learn a new way. It is often possible to look back at family history and see that each primary caregiver has a similar attachment style for generations back. Attachment styles can be changed through relational connections including a best friend, a spouse, a counselor, or a mentorship relationship. 

There are 4 basic styles of attachment. One is secure and the other 3 are insecure attachment styles. Attachment is really just the way we show up in relationships. Sometimes the way we show up in relationships helps us build connection and felt-safety, and sometimes the way we show up hinders connection and feels relationally unsafe to those around us. Attachment styles are called one thing in infancy and another in adulthood (it can get confusing!) We’re going to share the infant/adult attachment style and a couple of characteristics we see in each style in adulthood. This is in no way a comprehensive description of the attachment styles, but it does give us a jumping off point to help us understand the 4 styles.

Secure/Secure - values relationships; able to look at the past with grace and truth; can form close relationships without difficulty; has a positive self-worth

Anxious Avoidant/Dismissive - tends to value things more than relationships, does not remember much about childhood, shows little distress when relationships end, avoids intimacy

Anxious Ambivalent/Entangled or preoccupied - appears angry and/or hopeless about caregivers in childhood; worries their partner in relationships does not reciprocate feelings; may be ‘clingy; often not satisfied with how close they are to others in relationships (friendship or romantic).

Disorganized/Unresolved - has disorganized view of caregivers from childhood; may present as helpless or hostile/aggressive; has difficulty establishing and maintaining positive relationships; untrusting

So knowing this, how can we work toward healthier attachment in our relationships? We believe it is most beneficial to discuss both how we can work toward healing existing attachment wounds as adults, and also how to help our children who are developing their attachment styles now.

For Adults:

Our brains and bodies are fascinating creations and are built to change and grow. Attachment styles are not static - they can be changed. Changing attachment styles starts with identifying where you are. Once we have identified our attachment style, we then start to notice patterns of behaviors, reactions, thoughts, and ways of engaging that are part of that attachment style. After we’re aware, we can then begin to change the pattern. 

So, how do we change the pattern? It’s definitely not a one time thing. It takes time, curiosity, confession, and often—many opportunities to practice repair. There are vast resources available to help us walk in ways that help change our attachment style including books, podcasts, and attachment coaching. Here are a few of our attachment coach’s favorites:

Books: 

Anatomy of the Soul - Curt Thompson

Try Softer & Strong Like Water - Aundi Kolber

Raising a Secure Child - Hoffman, Cooper & Powell

How we Love - Kay Yerkovich and Milan Yerkovich

Podcast: The Place We Find Ourselves, Securely Attached, Attachment Theory in Action

Counseling

Coaching with Elizabeth Brown, Gap Relief’s incredible Attachment and Resource Coach

For Children (especially kids coming from hard places):

Statistically speaking, kids who come from hard places (for our purposes here, we are looking specifically at children who may have experience with foster care or adoption) have a greater likelihood of having an insecure attachment style. This is due to a number of factors including the increased possibility of the loss of connection with their first primary caregiver. Just as an adult would take steps towards healing in attachment, the first step when walking with a child from hard places is to acknowledge the loss that the child has experienced. Then, we must begin to notice how we show up in relationship with our child. Are we able to meet them with curiosity and compassion, rather than judgment and consequences? When there is a relational rupture—and there will be rupture as it is a fact of relational experiences—are we able to practice repair?

Parenting from a place of connection before correction is a paradigm shift. Connected parenting can get a bad rap as being permissive parenting. However, true connected parenting is high structure and high nurture, seeing the need and meeting the need, connecting before correcting. The correcting comes after connection is practiced. There is so much brain science behind this truth.

If you are curious about attachment and want to dig in more you can check out resources such as the ones listed above, The TBRI Podcast, or Ross Greene’s books or podcast. Our Attachment Coach would also love to connect virtually or in person to dive deeper into your own attachment style, see how it is helping or hindering your relational growth, and then take a look at what connected parenting might look like for you in every day life. 

Different Types of Therapy

Every counselor goes about their practice a little bit differently, but there are common methods and disciplines therapists utilize depending on their training and the types of clients they see. Knowing these different types of therapy can be helpful when searching for a counselor that will best fit your lifestyle and your individual needs. We want to share some of the primary methods many of our Gap Relief counselors utilize in our trauma-informed practice, as well as other methods that may be helpful for anyone on a healing journey.

The snippets below include very brief overviews of complex counseling models and are by no means exhaustive. As always, if you have questions or would like to know more about any type of trauma care, we are here to help!

Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)

This is the gold standard for marriage therapy. EFT tracks the pursue and withdraw dance moves of intimate partners as they navigate both present-day and historical stressful experiences. This model uses research-based bonding science to create experiences where couples grow in what it means to walk secure attachment with each other. True to its name, EFT emphasizes and prioritizes emotion and emotional regulation within partnership interactions and healing experiences. This model is best for couples looking for relief from the stuck negative loop (or cycle) in which they can often find themselves.

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

IFS is a practice that breaks down our own bodies and minds into different inner parts and facets working together to live and function as our core self. IFS assumes that we have no bad parts, and helps us build understanding and relationship with ourselves–especially when different parts are contradicting each other (example: when we want to have a healthy relationship with another person, but a wounded and traumatized part of ourselves prevents this bond). IFS is a highly effective trauma-informed model of therapy.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is a practice that relieves and releases the stress caused by traumatic memories and experiences. It builds a predictable and safe way to go towards trauma by means of lateral eye movements using external stimuli (tapping, sound effects, lights, etc). This sounds complex, but the discipline is highly effective and scientifically proven to relieve the symptoms caused by traumatic memories. Clients typically like EMDR because it is less focused on talking and more focused on providing a safe space for our brains to re-process an event with more resourcing.

Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI)

TBRI is highly effective and utilized for kids struggling with trauma and attachment. It includes a high understanding of how trauma impacts the ability to bond safely in relationships and how that ability then impacts emotional, psychological, and physical health as well as individual and group behavior. TBRI reframes behavior as a nervous system response rather than “good” or “bad” and equips others to respond in ways that may help to regulate the nervous system.

These are just a small few of the practices that we at Gap Relief are trained in and utilize daily when we work with our sectors to better serve their communities. These Helpers are standing in the fire of trauma and hardship so that the rest of us can live lives with more resourcing and safety. Using these methods, we can help hold them up so they can keep going.

The Enneagram and Trauma Work

There is a lot of buzz surrounding personality typing systems in general, and especially the Enneagram. It is certainly the oldest and probably has the most mystery surrounding it, but it is also one that we here at Gap Relief believe to be one of the most helpful and one that offers significant opportunities for healing.

First, let’s begin with a brief overview of the Enneagram. Most basically, it is a personality typing system made up of 9 types which explain the core motivations and fears behind human behavior. This is why the Enneagram is very impactful on self and other-awareness– it examines the why behind actions and words rather than looking only at surface-level behavior.

So, why is this important for trauma work? When we begin to understand ourselves better, we are better able to communicate ourselves to others in a more meaningful way. This gives others better eyes with which to see us within our strengths and weaknesses and opens the door for empathy. When this is reciprocated, we have now laid the groundwork needed for collaboration and meaningful work in healing, in self care, and in the jobs that we do.

The Enneagram also sheds light on how motivations influence behavior when trauma comes into an individual’s story. Within the Enneagram, each person has a core number (or “type”). Each type then frames the internal “why” behind the behavior of those identifying as that particular type, which can help them better understand the external moves that they make. The Enneagram is organized very well and offers a literal map for tracking these moves.

Our Enneagram Coach at Gap Relief likes to explain it like this: “When we can understand the meaningful reasons influencing someone’s decisions, it helps us hold better space for others when they are doing something we don’t like or disagree with. We can then be curious with them with better understanding, instead of simply getting annoyed or angry as we make inaccurate assumptions about their character.”

This gives us some better insight on how the Enneagram can help us individually, but how does it help trauma-informed practitioners? Having knowledge of the Enneagram provides an enhanced framework when working with clients. Seeing a client’s moves as they navigate their healing journey through the lens of their core motivations, fears, and beliefs about the world can be incredibly helpful. A therapist or practitioner who knows their client’s Enneagram type can be more creative in their care plans, better predict roadblocks in processing and growth, and have a more clear framework for their client’s internal and external moves.

Our Enneagram coach works alongside our counselors in order to do just this. She will meet with a client individually, assess their core Enneagram type along with their nuances within their type and, with permission, share and collaborate with their counselor on best practices for their therapeutic journey.

This can also be helpful for groups working to better serve trauma-impacted communities. The Enneagram provides a roadmap and a  common language through which teams can better see each other. Internally at Gap Relief, we use the Enneagram freely as means to connect and stay curious with each other as we do the hard work of serving trauma-impacted sectors like first responders, educators, healthcare workers, and more. It better enables us to hold space for each other in healing, growth, conflict, and leadership.

Ultimately, the Enneagram is an incredible tool for healing and trauma work and we encourage all teams and individuals to utilize it to grow, empathize, and collaborate.

Compasssion Fatigue

At our core, we are helpers to the helpers. We believe that for every person standing in the pathway of trauma to protect others, there should be a community of people behind them to hold them up. It is our honor to be part of that community.

One of the difficulties that can come along with engaging stress or trauma on the regular is the secondary traumatic stress and compassion fatigue associated with caring for those who are struggling. We see this in every sector we serve, and it is often a primary factor when considering what may lead a helper to leave their job or professional sector. In short–the impact can become too much. 

If you are a helper or work in a high-stress environment, here are some ways to spot compassion fatigue when it is still on the horizon–before it gets close enough to pull you under.

1. Feeling hopeless toward the cause

2. Beginning to lack empathy for those you serve

3. Feeling dissociated and detached

4. Self-isolating and withdrawing

5. Becoming lethargic about things within and outside of work

Just to name a few.

This is a very brief overview, but we at Gap Relief believe that when helpers aren’t walking alone and have a community that has their backs, they can build resiliency to compassion fatigue. They can engage the resources they so desperately need in order to continue on with their mission and stay in the fight.

The absolute bravest thing you can do when standing in the gaps for others is to ask for help. To say yes to help so you can keep saying yes to hard.

So here are some quick tips when sensing that compassion fatigue is brewing:

1. Recognize that this experience is normal and natural. You aren’t bad or wrong for struggling. Our bodies are designed to respond a certain way to chronic stress, and this is just evidence of the hard work you are doing. Others in your shoes would find themselves in the same place. 

2. Resist sacrificing self-care. Don’t sacrifice the things that rejuvenate and recharge you to keep going.

3. Breathe. Move your body. Move it separately from your work.

4. Set clear boundaries and Hold. To. Them.

5. Seek professional, trauma-informed counseling support. We at Gap Relief see you in the fire. We know what you’re going through and we also know you’re not alone. We’ve got your back.

Reach out to us anytime: info@gaprelief.com or (479)222-0663 

How Corporate Burnout can cause Trauma

Corporate burnout is becoming a huge problem in our culture today. Recent studies show up to 86% of workers experience that familiar problem in their current job. So what causes this? How do we look at this issue from a therapeutic perspective? We asked our resident corporate recovery therapist for his thoughts on the problem and how we can lean into healing.

First, let’s look at what causes this little t trauma in the first place. When we say “little t trauma,” we’re talking about pain that is not caused by large, singular, or life-threatening events, but rather trauma that accumulates over time and can feel like death by 1,000 papercuts. This is just as dangerous as Big T trauma and can cause just as much damage to our mental health–sometimes, even more.

In the corporate world, workers are often fatigued by a culture of constant demand for their attention. With modern technology, communication is more accessible, which has led to the expectation that employees should always be accessible. The fear of missing a text, an email, or a Slack message is consuming, and the heightened awareness of devices pulls focus from the things that may help a worker to rejuvenate and recharge.

There has also been a major shift away from traditional hierarchy and structure in the modern workplace. Because corporations cannot grow as efficiently by using a simple, direct-reporting model, many have transitioned to a matrix system where team members are expected to communicate with each other constantly and depend on many factors outside of their direct control to do their job. Oftentimes, everything feels like a fire and demands immediate attention. Because of this, employees are expected to spend their working hours communicating with others via meetings, emails, etc. and push their actual work to the margins of their time.

So, why do people put themselves through this? If it seems obvious that it isn’t healthy, why do it? This is where identity plays a huge factor in how corporations operate. It feels good to be a part of something bigger than an individual self. Even if it’s just to be a cog in the wheel of a massive endeavor, it feels good to be part of the team and to feel like the work matters. Corporate employees find themselves drinking the proverbial Kool-Aid–because in exchange they get affirmation, respect, acceptance from their peers and higher-ups, and an identifiable purpose. It becomes easy to set aside their individual identity and take on the group’s instead because the return feels worth it for a time.

And then it doesn’t anymore.

To their credit, corporations are leaning more into mental health issues than ever before!  However, they often still find themselves bumping into roadblocks. Large corporations often necessitate that any available initiatives must be applicable for all employees–often leaving specific or individual mental health needs unmet. Companies are currently experiencing significant criticism in this arena as many employees continue to struggle to access the resources they truly need. As these needs continue to rise, companies must continue to think outside the box and work to improve benefits that directly address mental health as a core component of their overall health benefits.  This may mean trying new things, or making corrections as necessary to programs that aren’t working or are under utilized.  In addition to creating or sustaining specific mental health initiatives that meet the real needs of the people, companies can also benefit greatly by simply taking a look at their company culture–working to  create environments that promote care for mental well-being and that value self-care.

But…what about those employees who are already at the end of themselves and need to get out, to heal, to recover? Our corporate recovery therapist says that the process of healing is highly individualized and is just that, a process. It can take years for a person to untangle themselves from their former job and to see themselves again for who they are, not simply the purpose they once served.

When experiencing corporate burnout, it can also be incredibly valuable to connect with a professional therapist or coach who can help with processing prior experiences and moving forward. It’s important to remember that those experiencing burnout or needing help processing following a job change may not have experienced any particular “negative” event. Rather, they may simply be grieving a sense of lost purpose now that they are not “part of” something - a team, group, department, etc.  Let’s not forget–these jobs can provide a lot of security and a felt-sense of family. Job loss, either by choice or by force, should be treated as any other major life “loss.” Our corporate recovery therapist states that it’s important not to discount the reality that much of one’s identity can often be tied to their career or company, and that seeking guidance during a time of transition is one of the best things a person can do.

Even if someone is not ready to leave a job yet or just desires to avoid burnout while still enjoying the many benefits of their corporate job, a corporate recovery therapist or coach can be a great resource. Our families and communities need us, and tending to pain and recovering from loss gets us back to them healed, whole, and ready to engage.

For more information, email info@gaprelief.com

What do we mean when we say "Trauma-Informed?"

We are so grateful that this phrase, “Trauma-Informed” is becoming increasingly mainstream as the stigma surrounding mental health and therapy slowly dissolves. It has become a term that is thrown around more and more, but what does it mean when it comes to engaging counseling or other similar resources? What makes someone “trauma-informed?” Is being trauma-informed or engaging trauma-informed professionals imperative to a successful healing journey? We’re going to talk about all of it.

Trauma-Informed Care is a systemic or individual approach that considers the reality that most humans have experienced trauma or significant stressful events at some point in their story, and that some of their current difficulties may be connected to these prior painful experiences. Instead of focusing solely on an individual or group’s current symptoms, a trauma-informed approach will zoom out–considering the origin of the current pain or stress and intentionally honoring these painful experiences while working to release any impact that these experiences may hold for the individual in a present-day reality. 

The members of our Gap Relief team have had the opportunity to engage significant training in the realms of trauma resilience and recovery prior to engaging their current Gap Relief work.  However, we recognize that many of those we work with are not afforded the same training and equipping experiences prior to their first steps into their work in trauma-impacted sectors as they voluntarily serve and protect our communities.

Without a trauma-informed lens or an understanding of how trauma and significant stress can impact the human psychological and physiological systems, those working in trauma-impacted sectors can experience feelings of shame, isolation, feeling like they are going crazy, and burnout.  

We know that repeat exposure to high stress or trauma can lead to high levels of secondary traumatic stress (which can at times mirror the symptoms of primary post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD).  Without an understanding of the impact of trauma, we may misread the signs of primary or secondary traumatic stress– leaving us in a place where we may feel confused about our experience or uncertain of how to seek help or receive potentially life-saving triage. So…how do we solve this problem? What should we be aware of if we ourselves are stepping into a trauma-impacted role, or are looking to seek trauma-informed care? 

Here few different perspectives considered through the lens of some of Gap Relief’s sectors to serve as examples:

Adoption

Many foster and adoptive parents come into adoption without a trauma-informed lens or the awareness of the impact that their child’s prior experiences may have on their family. As such, when they receive a placement and the honeymoon period wears off, they are often hit with so much to navigate that they don’t know where to begin. 

Nonprofits

Nonprofit workers come into nonprofit work knowing that hardship is out there and wanting to serve and make a difference.  However, many are not specifically equipped with the framework to understand or identify the impact of repeated exposure to the stress and trauma that causes a need for their work in the first place. 

Law Enforcement

Police officers must remain continually vigilant and aware of potential danger and threats to themselves and those they serve. With this constant vigilance, it is difficult to shift out of this hyper-focus in order to walk out their normal lives outside of their work.

Healthcare Professionals

These men and women see people at the beginning of life, end of life, and everything in between. They see physical trauma, abuse, tragic illnesses, and as evidenced by the recent Covid19 pandemic–intentionally place themselves in potential danger every time they step into their workplace. Med school, nursing school, and training rarely fully prepares them for the invisible pain they encounter. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg when considering the importance of a trauma-informed lens and trauma-informed care–especially for those working in high trauma-impacted sectors. 

At Gap Relief, we are systemically trauma-informed. From our experienced trauma therapists to our financial director and board of directors, every member of our team approaches their job through a trauma-informed lens. We believe that the heroes we serve who don’t back down from hard things need care too. Not as an afterthought or a last-ditch-effort, but as a vital part of what they do. So behind every helper willingly taking it on, you’ll find us helping to hold them up.

Therapy Clinic Culture

Culture is certainly the buzzword of the moment in the business world. Research, statistics, and literal felt experience shows us that having a strong and healthy organizational culture is absolutely imperative in the workplace. So the tricky thing is, what does that mean for a nonprofit and specifically a therapy clinic?

A basic understanding of company culture tells us that it is the combination of our mission, ideals, beliefs, processes, and workplace relationships and how they impact individuals and teams as a whole. When we’re looking to integrate into a new team or attempting to bring someone new into our team, the way they connect and “fit in” matters greatly. Many companies make the mistake of not paying enough attention to or not being intentional enough about culture until it becomes a problem. In the therapy clinic sector, building and attending to company culture is a unique discipline.

At Gap Relief, we have always placed our culture as a high priority when building our organization. Our core values reflect how we feel about ourselves, about the other Gap Relievers fighting beside us, and about the clients and sectors we serve.

Our core values are:

• People over Mission

• Honor

• Creativity

• Side by Side

• Safety

• Curiosity

• Fun

These values are woven into the very fabric of our organization and we walk them out with each other daily. We hear our founders saying things like “We can’t do that, it breaks our culture.” on a consistent basis and it reminds us that we are worth fighting for and that we have each others’ backs. Only then can we walk out our mission strong and unified. Only then can we truly help the helpers build resilient communities.

Our Story

Hi! We’re Amy Butler and Megan Taylor, the co-founders of Gap Relief. Our Gap Relief journey has been quite the wild ride, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.  We and our incredible team can’t imagine doing anything other than fanning into flame the mission at our core: Helping the Helpers Build Resilient Communities. 

We are a non-profit composed of a trauma-informed multi-disciplinary team with a common goal: to support and empower community servants as they seek to protect, aid, and offer healing to their communities, whoever and wherever they may be.

In addition to telling you who we are, it’s important to us that we tell you how we got here. This is our story. 

After years of unknowingly and simultaneously developing an individual passion for those serving on the front lines of trauma, we found ourselves on mission together in 2016 when our friends and international nonprofit leaders experienced trauma on the ground.  Assuming our first international trip together would be nothing more than that - an international trip - we rounded up three other teammates and boarded a plane for Africa.

We spent the next five days providing trauma care and attachment-informed training to international leaders and local professionals. Over those five days, passion expanded our vision as we experienced layers of pain, stress, and trauma begin to alleviate from our international partners - many of whom had expressed their uncertainty of their ability to stay in the field. Not only that, but those partners expressed new excitement for their work, feeling better equipped and supported to tackle the mission in front of them.

On the plane back to Northwest Arkansas, we knew this trip was not in fact a one-time-thing, but just the beginning of something new.

The following months led to additional international trips as well as the beginning of several local partnerships with other trauma-exposed organizations. Dreams of well-resourced leaders and supported front-line workers continued to grow, and in 2018, Gap Relief was established as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization.

Since then, Gap Relief has developed and facilitated numerous personalized trauma and resiliency training experiences, retreats, and experiences both locally and across the globe. In addition, our team has provided countless hours of one-on-one and team counseling, consultation, and crisis debriefing services. We believe when we all come together to hold each other’s arms up - we are capable of things we never thought possible.

So more specifically, who do we serve? In short, our eyes are on the helpers–those that we consider to be part of sectors of the workforce that are often identified as “trauma-impacted.” Our primary sectors are international non-profit leaders, local non-profit leaders, first responders, medical and mental health professionals, educators, adoptive and foster families, and government. 

We want to support and empower community servants in trauma-exposed sectors with the care and equipping they need to accomplish their missions. 

We want to eliminate the tragedy of their burnout due to the impact of pain, stress, and trauma they encounter.

We want to be there to hold their arms up so they can Keep. Going.

We have their back and we would love for you to have ours. Thanks for supporting us at Gap Relief.