All Behavior Is Communication
All behavior is a form of communication. Sometimes when we are looking at kids (or adults as well–although today we’ll focus on kids) there are things we can see with our eyes that tell us a story about how that child is feeling or what they are experiencing, but that is often only part of the story.
Megan Taylor, Licensed Therapist and Co-Founder, Co-Director of Gap Relief, sat down with us in the video above to share how our Gap Relief team works with kids and grownups alike on how to be curious with what a child’s behavior is trying to tell us.
First–who might often be in a position to witness a child’s behavior or be impacted by such behavior? Who might benefit from new lenses with which to see the kids in their care so that they are better able to understand what these children need?
Obviously, parents fall into this category. However, anyone working with children and ESPECIALLY kids from hard places or who have been exposed to trauma can benefit from greater understanding here as well! Gap Relief has the unique opportunity to work with many teachers–who are constantly tasked with interpreting kids’ unique needs and addressing them in order to do their job with excellence. We also see foster parents, healthcare workers, first responders, and other helpers needing to learn the language of children in order to care for and protect our next generation.
When engaging a child who is dysregulated, frustrated, or has withdrawn out of self-protection, our first instinct is often to help the child get back on task or return to center. However, at Gap Relief we often encourage these helpers to practice being curious with what they are experiencing by asking themselves “What is this behavior trying to tell me that might be different than what my eyes are seeing right now?”
Maybe the child who is refusing to get up and go to PE with her class had to stay in a place that wasn’t her home last night and is extra tired or is wearing someone else’s shoes. (This just might an actual scenario we’ve run across…)
Maybe a child started throwing a tantrum because he smelled someone’s cologne and it was the same brand as an abusive caregiver’s (again, this may be a true scenario we’ve experienced as well…)
Maybe the child displaying extra aggression on the playground is struggling with some anxiety from experiences at home. (I’m sure you’re tracking with us by now 😉).
When we start reframing the way we process and respond to a child’s behavior, we begin to see that the behaviors that tend to be oversimplified, brushed aside, and shut down actually make complete sense. When we lean in with curiosity and pull in all of the possible information, letting those factors matter to us, we can respond more accurately to the situation and get to the root problem or injury to meet the truest need.
If you find yourself in a position to be engaging other humans and their behavior, but more specifically kids, here are some practical ways to begin to notice what their behavior may be trying to communicate:
Notice yourself. How are you entering the space? Is your nervous system regulated? Are you grounded? What is the situation in front of you doing to you?
Stay curious. Try to maintain an open-minded posture with the person in front of you. Saying something like “Hey, I’m noticing that you’re really angry. Can you tell me about that?” allows the person to feel seen for where they are currently and also invites them to slow down and explain how they got to that state.
Help them be aware of the connections between their physical and mental needs. They may be hyper-focused on their emotions, but a gentle reminder to pay attention to how their body may be hungry, tired, have a headache, and so on can help immensely in de-escalating the current situation and bringing healing in the future. Teaching kids to do a quick body-scan even while they are calm is an important tool in their toolbox (and ours!) as they learn to better regulate through these bumpy moments.
What we find is that the more we’re connected to ourselves, the more curious we are! And the more curious we are, the more we foster experiences of connection with kids in their own bodies. And from that place–something new can happen.
Have a heart for the next generation and want more info on how to jump in with Gap Relief’s Primary next generation initiatives– our TIERS (Trauma Informed Educators Reaching Students) program? Click below to learn more!
When to Lean into a Counseling Intensive
I think it’s safe to say that we at Gap Relief are pro-counseling– no matter the form. We are a trauma therapy center, after all. But counseling care can actually come in many forms! One of these is the more typical counseling format where a client establishes care with a licensed professional and then attends consistent counseling sessions. Another of these is counseling intensive programs, where a client and counselor often spend a greater amount of time together within a shorter time period–often accelerating the counseling work completed within a more typical counseling format.
Gap Relief’s intensive model is unique, offering clients the opportunity to engage an intensive experience utilizing our Wrap Model of Care. Our Intensive Program Lead, Brittany Turner, LPC sat down with us to discuss the main differences between these two formats and explain the circumstances in which each can benefit a client best.
Overall, the difference between regular counseling and intensive counseling is the time spent in therapy and how that time is allotted. With more typical services, a client goes to their counselor’s office, usually for an hour-long session at a planned time. This can be every week, every other week, or even monthly or quarterly depending on the needs and resources of the client. So, 15 hours of counseling, for example, may take 3-6 months to complete. During an intensive, however, those 15 hours would be condensed into a shorter time period, usually a week to two weeks.
So what are the benefits of each of these?
Regular counseling services are perfect for those who are functioning well in the rhythm of walking in and out of counseling sessions without much disruption. The clients who thrive with regular counseling may have already done the lion’s share of their healing work and are attending counseling regularly to maintain their healing and have a safe place to process anything they might be working through. Their pain, stress, and trauma also may not necessitate the level of care involved within a counseling intensive.
There are many other factors that make regular weekly counseling a perfect fit for clients, but sometimes, an intensive can be the ideal step for those seeking deep healing.
The structure of intensive programs can vary, but at their core–intensive programs offer the client the opportunity to step out of their regular, daily (and often stressful) environment to engage counseling services for multiple hours at a time, often over the course of several days. This allows the client’s nervous system to stay in healing mode for longer stretches without naturally preparing to re-enter their regular life.
So, why is this important?
As Brittany explains in the video, a typical counseling cycle involves:
A Client exiting their normal life with all of its hardships and stressors and entering into a healing space.
The client and counselor doing good work to overcome pain, stress, and trauma of the past and present. They may make some good progress in healing during that hour.
Around the 45 to 50-minute mark, the client’s nervous system begins naturally preparing to pull out of healing and re-enter real life.
Throughout the gap between counseling sessions, the client will accumulate more pain, stress, and trauma which partially pulls away from the good work they did during their last session.
This still accomplishes the goal of moving toward healing with baby steps, and the cycle is able to begin again.
With intensives, however, a client has the opportunity to enter that healing environment and then STAY in that healing environment. Their nervous systems don’t have to prepare to accumulate more stress because they get to go back again the next day and continue the work of moving past the injuries keeping them stuck.
So who could benefit from a counseling intensive?
Individuals whose pain, stress, and trauma levels are such that the act of pulling out of healing and re-entering their stressful environment may be hindering their healing process
Individuals who have experienced a major event that caused high amounts of pain
Couples struggling in their marriage or partnership
Individuals in a helping profession who can mitigate burnout by engaging a counseling intensive
Families or couples who have been impacted by the same pain, stress, and trauma
Individuals undergoing major life changes who need help making that transition
The suggestions above are just the tip of the iceberg, as many other individuals, couples, and families may benefit greatly from an intensive as well!
We believe intensives can be an incredible step for many along their healing journey, and are so thankful to have our program lead, Brittany, leading the way!
We would love to answer your questions with a free consultation.
What Color is Your Condition?
The United States Military and similar systems often utilize something called Cooper’s Code of Situational Awareness to categorize and better understand what they are currently experiencing within their body, mind, heart, and soul in any given situation.
We also utilize this code in our work at Gap Relief for a couple of reasons:
It often helps to have a visual for our condition. Visuals help us organize, make sense of, and have a picture in our minds of what is going on invisibly inside of us.
It enables us to better communicate this condition to those around us, offering them the ability to hold space for us and stand in the gaps alongside us.
The first of these conditions is Condition White. In condition white our heart rate is stable, there is no awareness of danger around us, and we are able to move through life at rest–without having to be situationally aware.
Next is Condition Yellow. When we start to move through these colors, we start to grow in alertness. We start noticing physiological changes here, especially in our heart rate. We are now walking around situationally aware while our systems are alert and searching for threats.
If we discover a potential threat, we may bump up to Condition Orange. We then begin to gather information about the potential threat and determine if it is valid and whether or not we are in danger.
We then bump up to Condition Red. This is when we have determined that there is a threat and we are in danger and we begin to ENGAGE this threat. We have made a decision and are now responding to the danger, real or perceived.
The next major level is Condition Black. This is where our heart rate reaches its maximum level and we begin to experience some pretty significant physiological symptoms such as tunnel vision and dry-mouth as well as psychological symptoms such as panic attacks and immobilization.
BUT, there is a sneaky level between Red and Black, and that is Condition Gray. This is a condition that often exists because of training and resiliency-building, or extended periods of time where we are living in significant stress or danger. We see this a lot in first responders, healthcare professionals, foster parents, and similar professions. Many helping professionals find themselves consistently engaging danger and stress at high levels–oftentimes where the intensity never really dissipates. They stay alert and ready for threats at all times. Condition Gray is difficult, because the lines between conditions Red, Gray, and Black are extremely thin. So thin, in fact, that it can be difficult for individuals to track when they cross over from one level to the next!
There can be a lot of shame involved when a person who is used to functioning well within Condition Gray is suddenly experiencing symptoms of Condition Black. We at Gap Relief often use these terms to give our helpers words for what they are experiencing.
Personal condition matters greatly in the helper community. Helpers are used to seeing and experiencing hard things, but all humans have limitations and those limitations are good indicators not only of invisible condition, but also of the level to which we are able to safely do our job and help build resilient communities.
We at Gap Relief are here to help the helpers do just that. Helpers’ conditions matter to us! Our goal is to hold up their arms and keep them on the mission about which they are so passionate and uniquely equipped to fight.
We’ve got your back.
My “Why” for Helping Teachers
I’m Elizabeth and I have the privilege of serving on our T.I.E.R.S. team as a resource and resiliency trainer for the educators we get to help.
I’ve never publicly shared my story of why this project matters so much to me personally…until now.
This project means the world to me personally, but more importantly to the teachers, counselors, and administrators in the T.I.E.R.S. Program.
please consider saying yes to NWA teachers with your NWA Gives donation.
Early Giving is open!
Help Launch NWA’s Future Leaders
With NWA Gives coming up April 4th, we’ve been talking A TON about our public schools project, T.I.E.R.S. It stands for Trauma Informed Educators Reaching Students–and we are so excited about the way we’ve seen teachers and school administrators feel encouraged and equipped to support and guide our community’s future leaders.
Can we show you some videos that demonstrate our passion for NWA’s education system?
We are passionate about this project because we’ve seen that the strain of stress and trauma on NWA teachers is higher than ever–creating high turnover and preventing students from getting what they need.
We know thriving schools create thriving communities. And yet, 90% of educators indicate burnout to be a “somewhat serious” or “very serious” issue.
In addition, students continue to be exposed to poverty and traumatic experiences in alarming numbers, inhibiting their ability to learn.
We knew we had to do something about this.
Recognizing that the needs of students and teachers continue to grow in volume and complexity, the Walton Family Foundation reached out to Gap Relief in the spring of 2022 with an invitation—
to develop and pilot a comprehensive program that equips teachers with both the resources they need for their own resiliency and the resiliency of their students.
We. Said. Yes.
Leaning on the experience of team members who have worked directly in the education system, consulting with area educators and administrators, and drawing on evidence-based practices—we developed the TIERS program and began piloting it in August 2022.
The T.I.E.R.S. Program Includes:
Resources for teacher strain and burnout
Practical strategies for engaging students who have experienced stress and trauma
The blueprint for developing a school culture that promotes safety, healing, and growth
As of March 2024, we have equipped 7 teams of educators who directly impact thousands of students in Northwest Arkansas...and we hope this is just the beginning.
Words like “relief”, “not alone”, “practical”, and “hope” are some of many we hear when participants describe their experience.
We believe it’s true that with the right resources for teachers—safety goes up, strain and turnover go down, and NWA will lead the way as a cutting-edge community.
NWA Gives is April 4th and Gap Relief is dedicating the whole day to raise funds for this program.
Will you join us?
Sign up for a text reminder by clicking below!
Nervous Systems are Contagious
5 minute read
Have you ever noticed when you’re feeling a little off, overwhelmed, anxious, angry - the people around you start to have those same emotions? It’s because nervous systems are contagious.
In this week’s video, Elizabeth is telling us about a phenomenon called neuroception, something that occurs in everyday life to everyone, often without us noticing or realizing it’s happening.
She likes to compare this process to a smoke alarm. Neuroception is a part of our response system in our brains, like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Sometimes, a smoke alarm goes off because there is a real fire and our system needs to be alerted in order to survive the real fire… but sometimes, the smoke alarm goes off because we’ve burned bacon and there is no actual need for alarm. The interesting thing that happens in this case though, is that the sound of the smoke alarm will still alert our system and we will still begin to feel the panic, even though there actually is no real emergency.
Continuing this comparison, if we are the ones feeling and subconsciously displaying the anxiety (or other big emotion), the other person will begin to sense our “smoke alarm” and their system will be alerted, leading to their own anxious response.
To put it simply: we as humans naturally mirror one another’s nervous systems.
The cool thing is that sometimes, this can be a good thing! This is how we share in each others’ joy and excitement and why a positive person can influence the people around them to think more optimistically. It can even be a good thing when there is actual danger, because when true panic is necessary, influencing the people around us to protect themselves leads to safety.
The important thing is to begin to notice when this is happening more and more, because then we start to realize how connected we are as people, which is how we’re supposed to be living! This is why it is so important to do the individual work of healing from things in life that influence the way we respond! Because we are, without even realizing it, externally affecting the way others around us are feeling internally—which again, is actually pretty cool.
Elizabeth is also giving us just a few tips to begin to self-regulate when we notice the unwelcome kind of neuroception.
Simply notice. Slow down and pay attention to what’s going on in our bodies and minds. Is my heart racing? Is my chest constricted? This is the first step to bringing regulation (having the correct amount of energy for the task in front of us) to ourselves, because remember: we cannot bring regulation to our child, spouse, friend, etc if we are not ourselves in a regulated state.
Use a tool! There are a ton of great regulation tools out there like fidgets and weighted objects like blankets, vests, backpacks, and more!
We have a great regulation tool guide we’re giving away FOR FREE to our email subscribers right now. Click the button below to get your own right to your inbox!
3. Drink water! Water is so important to regulating our nervous systems. It seems so simple and too easy to be true, but drinking a quick 6-8 oz of water can INSTANTLY improve our nervous systems and put us on the path to regulation. (Quick tip: Drinking water through a straw is even better because sucking is calming.)
4. Try this quick and easy breathing trick:
-Breathe in for 4 counts
-Hold for 6 counts
-Breathe out for 8 counts
The act of holding and exhaling for longer than we inhale tells our system that we are ok and not dying. This may seem extreme, but our bodies are really good at protecting us, and if they sense that we are not ok, they go into survival mode instantly!
Knowing the power we have to influence others around us without even trying can be overwhelming, but slowing down and noticing is the first step to building the connections we WANT to be building. Starting to regulate ourselves otherwise is a powerful skill as we walk side-by-side with our people, and Gap Relief is with you all the way!
If you have questions or want to know more, click the button below!
How Slower Pacing Makes Us Faster
3 minute read
Many of us are, as Megan describes in the video, ‘pusher-through-ers.” We don’t like to slow down. We don’t like roadblocks. We don’t like delaying our mission. In the helper community, it can almost seem detrimental to the mission to allow any setbacks whatsoever because often, people’s lives are depending on it.
The problem with this method is… humans don’t work that way.
That’s a tough reality to face, especially for those of us with big hearts and a drive to make things better.
Gap Relief Co-Founder, Megan Taylor, sat down with us to teach us how she learned that slowing down actually often allows us to reach the mission faster, and she learned this lesson the way all good lessons are learned: through pain and injury. And running, obviously.
It all started a few years ago when Megan was experiencing a chronic ankle injury. As an avid runner, this was a problem. Because she did not want to give up something she loved and that made her feel good, she continued to run on this injured ankle. This of course never allowed her ankle to fully heal and greatly affected her performance and pain levels as she was doing something she normally loved.
This all led her to begin experimenting with interval training. She continued to run almost the entire duration of her workout EXCEPT when going uphill, when she would walk instead. Over time, she noticed a couple of things:
That her injury went away. More than that, it hasn’t really come back. By slowing down and allowing it to fully heal, she set herself up to stay on mission for the long run.
That she actually finished her runs faster. This one surprised her most because that shouldn’t really make sense, right? She slowed down significantly during her runs, but her finish time was quicker than all that time she was running on an injury.
Something was happening during her walking intervals that was allowing her body more energy during the times when she was running. This was good information for her running hobby, but it had a huge lightbulb effect when she applied it to her work in therapy.
We’ve often talked about the idea of “Condition-Informed Plans.” This is when we allow the human condition of those carrying out the plans or missions to matter when making the plans or missions. It seems simple, but in a society where bigger, better, faster is the rule, not the exception, we see this less and less in culture in general, but especially in the helper communities who keep us safe and healthy, and therefore need the most care and resilience.
When we slow down and pay attention to what we need as humans and as helpers, then we might actually get to our mission or goal quicker than we might have had we just pushed through the entire time.
Both Sides Are Fighting for the Same Thing
5 minute read
We know that when we experience trauma or even simply a disappointment, it creates a need within us. The way we express that need–or even more, our attempts to have that need met–lead to our outward behaviors, which is what others see. This whole process is what we call in counseling “a cycle.” It is extremely important to note that while the external behavior of an individual is often what is observable, it is only one part of what is actually occurring within that person.
When two opposing forces are both in a cycle together, it creates conflict. This conflict is where the polarizing issues in life reside, and this conflict offers us as humans the opportunity to either work through it–or let it destroy us.
Those in the helper community find themselves in the crux of conflict often, regularly immersing themselves in the experiences of people who may have very opposing experiences or opinions on the issue at hand–whatever that issue may be. At Gap Relief, we regularly find ourselves in the position of helping those on opposite sides of a conflict see that they are often fighting for the exact. same. things.
We see this play out in 3 major ways.
Disclaimer: We know that in some cases, severe mental health difficulties or other factors can be present in gaps and conflict. In these cases, we would never want to oversimplify the issue and recognize that what is described below may be incomplete.
In our communities. In the video above, Kade uses the example of law enforcement to demonstrate this idea. In our work with first responders, we see so often the disconnect between the community and those tasked with protecting it.
Kade explains that it is a law enforcement officer’s job to stay curious when engaging the community–learning to see beyond the observable behavior that his eyes can see to the thoughts and emotions underneath the behavior in front of him. During a chaotic or dangerous situation, it’s an officer’s job to ask themselves why a member of the community might be behaving the way that they are, what happened before the incident at hand, and how they themselves can stay regulated in order to protect and serve. As they stay curious instead of making quick assumptions based only on outward behavior, they can meet the actual need and hopefully resolve the issue much quicker.
On the flip side, if the community engages law enforcement with curiosity as well, an atmosphere of kindness grows. Asking ourselves questions like “What may have happened before this that made this officer feel unsafe here?” or “How many shifts in a row has this officer been working?” can foster continued curiosity, which in turn fosters increased kindness and understanding. Whether curiosity is moving from an officer towards a community member or vice versa, seeking to “see beyond what our eyes can see” can often close gaps in understanding and connection.
Will it always be realistic or possible to pause and stay curious in the moment when we are observing behavior that doesn’t make sense to us? No, and we recognize that wholeheartedly. But does curiosity often happen even when it is realistic or possible? While it may happen at times, the majority of human experience would point to the likelihood that curiosity is often the exception rather than the norm. And therein lies a disconnect, which often leads to a resulting cycle. But in this example with law enforcement, what are both sides ultimately fighting for? Often (not always), they are fighting for the exact same thing: HEALTH AND SAFETY for their community.
We see this show up in so many other helper circles like education, healthcare, foster and adoptive families, and the list goes on. It is our mission, true to our name, to help Relieve Gaps within our community. At times, this begins with helping those on opposite sides of an issue to see that they may actually both fighting for the same thing.
In our relationships. This shows up most obviously in marriage, but it is a reality for most of our deeper connections. Both sides are fighting for love and affection, but because of factors like personal trauma, the way we grew up, and the way we believe the world works, we fight for it in different ways that are often bumping up against one another.
As trauma counselors and coaches, we are often working to show both parties that they are each simply trying to have their own needs met. Most of us in deep relationships are often looking to have reasonable needs met–but at times find ourselves utilizing ineffective or unhelpful (and often unconscious) behaviors or communication patterns to try to fight for these needs. This is where conflict occurs as each member of the relationship reacts to the other’s attempts at getting their needs met, often not understanding the behavior in front of them. But underneath the conflict, both parties are often fighting for the same connectedness, love, and affection.
In ourselves. In the video, Kade expresses that this is one of the most interesting parts of his job: to see how the different parts of ourselves can often cause conflict within our own heart, mind, and body. We have parts of us that represent our different seasons of life, how we are shaped by our experiences, any trauma we’ve seen, and so on. These parts all share a general understanding of who we are, but when something happens that makes sense to one part but completely opposes another, our system can wage war on itself.
This is why healing work is so important. It benefits everyone when we are willing to do the good work to process our experiences and see our communities, our relationships, and ourselves with new, more compassionate, and more trauma-informed eyes.
It is our honor to stand in and Relieve these Gaps alongside our community helpers!
Helper Sectors: International Workers
2 minutes read
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, and that intentionally stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the past few weeks, we’ve had the honor to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
International workers love the work they do, but serving in a culture that is not their own comes with hardship and stress. They often do not have the resourcing they need to fully sustain their mission or care for their mental health as they do their job.
In addition to the unique stressors they face, they are also away from their extended families and support systems. These are helpers who have chosen to step away from the familiar and comfortable and uproot their lives and immediate families in order to serve and meet needs across the world. It is our desire at Gap Relief to step in and be their support system; to help ensure they have the resourcing and backing needed to carry out their important mission.
We have the ability to hand them the hope, resourcing, and connection they need to keep going--and you can play a part in that too! As we move toward NWA Gives on April 4th, would you consider supporting the work we’re doing to Relieve the Gaps our international workers and members of all helper sectors are facing in keeping their local and global communities safe and healthy?
Click the button below to sign up for a text reminder for NWA Gives
Insulating from the Shrapnel w/ Amy Butler
When a critical incident happens, or let’s call it a bang!, there are many people who are affected. There are those who feel the bang! up close and personally. They were there. They saw it with their own eyes. Then, the ripple effect radiates out from there. The first responders experience it. The victims’ friends and family experience it. The helpers’ friends and family, the people who weren’t there but could have been, the community surrounding the bang!, and so on.
No matter how prepared one can be for a critical incident, the shock and trauma are real and present for all involved. This week, Gap Relief Co-Founder and Director Amy Butler is talking to us about how we can better insulate from the shrapnel of these bangs!
A couple of questions tend to come up here: What do you do in the critical incident? and How do you repair from the critical incident?
What we’ve noticed is that when we begin to back up from the critical incident and look at “the pre-bang!”, if you will, we can look at what things we can put in place so that we are more prepared when they happen.
Becoming a trauma-informed organization.
This is huge. When an organization knows not only what to expect, but also has a grasp on what these experiences do to our systems (heart, mind, body, spirit) and how they play out long-term, they can much better prepare themselves and their people for resiliency.
Connecting as a team or unit.
When we fight to become a trauma-informed organization on a systemic level, we learn to relate to each other in trauma-informed ways. We become more connected as a team so that when the bang! happens, everyone is more prepared and resilient TOGETHER.
So what happens after a bang! has occurred?
If we have prepared our team for the pain and stress of a critical incident ahead of time, they are able to walk through this trauma stronger and more insulated. This does not mean they do not experience the trauma at all or do not need to grieve and recover from it, it just means they are starting from a more grounded place than if they have to begin the process of becoming trauma-informed and growing as a team, all while muddling through the pain, stress, and grief of a crisis or tragedy.
Helper Sectors: First Responders
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, and that intentionally stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
The nature of a first responder's job is to show up day after day for what is often someone's worst day of their life. Any reason to call 911 or be in need of response equals a bad day, and first responders - on purpose - step into these crises every single day.
Our heart for these firefighters, EMTs, 911 dispatchers, natural disaster relief workers, and law enforcement officers recognizes that not everyone is able to step into this kind of work and expose themselves to this amount of trauma–so those who do say yes are highly trauma-impacted. We want to do our part with trauma recovery work and trauma resiliency training alongside them so they can continue to do the work their mission requires.
Our communities need first responders to do this work because it creates resiliency in the people they serve. This is all a part of how our system functions on an optimal level, and ultimately how we can keep our most vulnerable safe. To do this, they CANNOT engage these high trauma levels of impact alone.
We at Gap Relief want to be the ones saying “yes” to them so they can keep saying “yes” to our communities. We want to shine a light on the things they do so others can see them better and stand alongside them as well. Have questions about how to support these community helpers or are a helper in need of services? Hit the button below.
Two Major Themes in Workplace Trauma
Gap Relief’s Matt Tolson spent more than a decade working in Northwest Arkansas’ fast-paced corporate environment before becoming a therapist. What are the two major themes that he sees when working with those experiencing pain and stress from their job?
The first is MATRIX.
In the past, workplaces operated in more of a hierarchical structure. Each employee reported to someone who reported to someone else and so on. Each person had their own job for which they were individually responsible.
This model is simply too slow in today’s society. Information and commerce move at much too fast a rate to support this kind of siloed structure of workplace.
Things now operate in more of a matrix structure, meaning each employee depends and relies on many other people and departments’ collaboration in order to do their job. This causes much division of focus, time, and responsibility. On one hand, this means that workplace relationships are more connected, but it also leads to overwhelm, anxiety, and exhaustion as employees are asked to divide their focus and capacity more and more to do a simple task.
Ultimately, we are seeing this problem cause burnout at much earlier times than ever before in history. In years past, it often took a full-length career for burnout to occur, but we are now seeing burnout as early at two to four years into a career.
The second is INPUTS.
With our workplaces fully participating in advancing technology, we have access to more information and modes of communication than ever before. In a given day, employees are expected to pay attention to and respond to texts, emails, Zoom meetings, in-person meetings, instant messages, Slack channels, and more in order to stay informed, connected, and do their jobs.
It is simply too much. Our brains were not built to receive this much information and to sustain this number of connections. We remain on overload at all times using this model, and are not able to leave work at work.
These are simplified overviews of complex issues, but serve as a good summary of the primary themes we see leading to modern workplace trauma.
Helper Sectors: Nonprofit Leaders
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, and that intentionally stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
Nonprofit leaders are literally Gap Relievers to their core! The majority of nonprofits are formed BECAUSE there is a painful gap between a need of the community and the current level of resourcing or specific care available to meet that need. As such, nonprofit leaders are gap relievers as they work tirelessly to close the gaps they see, alleviating pain and stress for the community in one form or another. As they step in to serve, they are willingly opening themselves up to experience pain alongside those they’re serving and are choosing to face the potential reality of extreme burnout as they engage in positions where they are often under-resourced and overworked. As nonprofit leaders ourselves, our heart-eyes see the realities of the high levels of pain, stress, and trauma that this sector often engages every single day.
These community helpers step into pain on purpose and look at hardship in order to relieve it for others, and they do this often without the assurance that anyone will be there to do the same for them.
We see the risk and strength required to step into the hard things they engage, and we want to be the ones to catch nonprofit leaders and stand in the fire beside them.
Helper Sectors: Healthcare Professionals
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, and that intentionally stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
One of these key helper groups is healthcare workers. When we think of this community we consider both mental health and physical health providers, including but not limited to: doctors, nurses, and hospital staff as well as trauma counselors and other mental health workers. Both sets of caregivers are highly trauma-impacted and say "yes" to incredibly hard things so that the rest of us don't have to.
As a natural part of their job, these community servants are intentionally stepping into pain places day-in and day-out. They're signing up to work with hurting people, and their job is to (on purpose) sit in spaces of looking at pain and trying to sort through how to get people to relief. Coming face-to-face with intense suffering day after day shifts and changes the human nervous system as neural pathways become wired differently--beginning to anticipate more and more pain. The mental and physical consequences of this change are detrimental to the very work they do best.
Compassion fatigue is one way to describe the impact of the work, but that term almost feels too simple to describe what these helpers are walking. Not only are they caring ABOUT the health and safety of those they serve, but they are also caring FOR the pain their patients and clients face. They are standing in AND helping to close the gaps, and see and experience the impact of these gaps first-hand. Perhaps one of the most painful experiences for these helpers shows up when the gap they are fighting against simply can’t close. This may look like an irreparable injury, a difficult diagnosis, or the trauma that comes from a loss that can’t be undone. Many of these helpers are protectors at heart–and for them to bear witness to such pain and loss in the midst of their intentional efforts is excruciating.
Our heart for these helpers is to make sure they know that we see and honor their difficult and painful "yes." We want to hand them the resources, care, and connection they need so they are not having to carry it in their nervous systems alone. Research shows that test subjects dealing with stress alone burn up to six times more glucose than subjects working through stress with others. Walking these hard things with someone else enables healthcare workers to stay in the fight, to keep walking their mission and to and literally save lives.
We at Gap Relief are in it with you 💪🏽💙.
Helper Sectors: Adoption Community
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, and that intentionally stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
One of these sectors is Adoptive Families. We consider the family unit as an important tenet of strong communities. When a family unit is strong, it can provide a safe base for family members to rest and get grounded so they can enter the world with resilience.
When children are not experiencing that safety within their family unit and disruption from their family of origin is required, we are very passionate about helping foster and adoptive parents who are standing in that gap for our next generation. The job of these foster and adoptive parents is very difficult as they often stand in painful spaces--holding their hearts open to everything that comes with saying yes to the children in their care. Everything they do can be very difficult and sacrificial, and we want to hold their arms up as they fight for the younger generation.
Kids who find themselves in foster care or in an adoptive placement experience trauma, and we know that the parental system takes on much of that trauma as they carry out their mission. They need a lot of training to learn how to appropriately care for a child with a traumatic background and how to make sense of kids' behaviors through a trauma lens. When foster/adoptive parents are able to respond to children in a trauma informed way, the children can begin to enter into feelings of safety and begin to learn and thrive.
It is Gap Relief's mission to fight for these parents as they fight for adoptees and hold many of the other relationships together on this journey.
Helper Sectors: Child Advocates
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, that purposely stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
One of these sectors is Child Advocates. When we work with people who fight for children, we often see this globally, meaning we are looking generations ahead and knowing that our impact to children in their current generation can have systemic change for many going forward. We see these helpers on the front lines of so many things in the community.
While when we say "Child Advocates" and mean those who help kids find stability and safety in their homes (attorney ad-litems, CASA, DCFS, CAC workers, and more), we are also looking at educators and healthcare professionals and others who surround these kids and create systemic change for children in their worlds before the gaps get bigger.
We also see Child Advocates saying yes to some of THE hardest things imaginable. Most of us have a natural connection and desire for children to be safe, but those that are saying yes specifically to fighting for kids are putting themselves in the position of seeing the hardest of the hard over and over again. The personal impact of being in those scenes repeatedly over a period of time is very high, and we want to honor that impact and hold their arms up in the spaces that they are engaging.
These are servant-hearted people who will do anything to protect children, and we want to be the ones protecting them.
Helper Sectors: Law Enforcement
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say yes to hard things, that purposely stand in the fire of trauma so that we don't have to. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
One of these sectors is Law Enforcement. Law Enforcement is a highly trauma-impacted profession. Those who go into Law Enforcement often do so to protect and serve; they make an oath to do this for their communities every single day. We know that as they go out into the places they serve, they are the ones who are going to see the hardest parts of those very communities. Things like homelessness, drug abuse, homicide, suicide, mental health emergencies, and more. They are often engaging the “gappiest” parts of the community, and in that place, they set aside their trauma reactions and struggles in order to do their job to protect and serve, often to their own harm and stress.
Because our law enforcement officers choose to step into the hard realities for us and are specially trained to do so, we civilians are protected from seeing and having to deal with them in the same way. Knowing just how much of a gift this is, we have a heart to do our part as trauma therapists and coaches to go toward them in those difficult circumstances. We believe that this keeps them safer in their profession. They often have their eyes on everyone else, but in our heart for them we want to make sure we have our eyes on them and hand them what they need in all of the trauma they incur just in doing their jobs.
We desire for our law enforcement officers to stay supported right where their jobs are hardest so that they can not only continue saying “yes” to their mission, but so the impact their jobs have on their personal world is mitigated as well. We want their families to feel safe knowing their people are supported in their mission with practical, trauma-informed resources that will help to foster an environment that reduces the risk of trauma impact taking them out. As they stay healthy, they can hold onto the good things in their life, all while they do really good and powerful things for their communities.
Helper Sectors: Educators
At Gap Relief, we focus our trauma-informed training and therapeutic services within the career sectors that keep our communities safe, that say “yes” to hard things, and that intentionally stand in the fire of pain, stress, and trauma for the good of the community. Those are the helpers we want to serve.
In the coming weeks, we want to spend some time highlighting these different sectors and the difficulties they face in serving their local and global communities.
One of our favorite sectors to work with is the education system! We see educators on the front lines of our community. They are in up close and personal contact with the next generation, which ultimately impacts everything in front of us.
In recent years, we've seen them be asked to hold more and more. They are trained as teachers, but then they often end up playing the role of nurse, counselor, or even a parent at times. They must be soft and nurturing for the kids they serve, but remain hyper-vigilant and tactical as they manage many personalities and learning styles. They must also remain aware of the signs of any potential danger their students may be facing at home or unfortunately, at school as well. They are handed rules and guidelines from individuals and systems who often do not fully understand their jobs and have to hold those in balance with fighting for the kids they work with day-in and day-out.
Research shows that the health of schools is directly related to the health of their communities at large. Even more research tells us that education quality is directly related to incarceration rates, alcohol abuse rates, and more as these kids go forward. Clearly, the impact of our educators is HUGE and widespread. The health of these educators is absolutely imperative to their ability to not only teach our kids the knowledge and skills they need to thrive in the world, but also to launch healthy and well-rounded kids into the world.
Schools and teachers being equipped to hand the next generation what they need is a big deal. These educators are VITAL, but their stress levels are astronomical. So going toward them and holding up their arms in their “yes” allows them to equip the next generation and build healthy and trauma-informed experiences into them where they can grow into adults who are more resourced and know how to face challenges with those resources.
We love going toward these educators with our T.I.E.R.S. program. We are fundraising $35,000 to ensure that this program remains fully-funded. We will be adding 3 schools to our 2024-2025 program, as well as leaning into the opportunity to speak with administrators and district personnel on a higher level about better systemic trauma education for Northwest Arkansas schools.
We need your help to do this! If you would like to partner with Gap Relief in the Trauma Informed Educators Reaching Students Program, please click the button below and join us!
Sneak Peak of Gap Relief’s 2024 Vision
We have had such an incredible 2023 with our team, our board of directors, and with the helpers we serve all around the world. As we bring this year to a close, we are so excited to share a few of our upcoming plans as part of our 2024 Gap Relief vision.
Our T.I.E.R.S. program remains one of our favorite projects, and we can’t wait to continue this work in 2024! We are excited to announce that for the 2024-2025 school year, we will be adding 3 more school teams from NWA to this program, and also plan to increase consultation with local school district personnel regarding staff care and resiliency as well as trauma-informed student supports, policies, and procedures. We are looking to raise $35,000 to continue this important work in 2024, and invite you to jump in with us!
Another of our ongoing projects is with NCPTF, or the National Child Protection Task Force. In 2024 we are looking to continue creating additional support around this organization as they serve the most vulnerable of our citizens–our children! The individuals who are part of NCPTF are helpers of helpers just like us at Gap Relief, stepping in with law enforcement agencies around the world to assist them in protecting, finding, and rescuing missing children. We can’t wait to continue supporting them! We are working to raise $3,000/month to work with NCPTF in 2024, and would love for you to be a part.
In addition to the specific large-scale projects mentioned above, there are several other endeavors we have our eyes on for 2024 as well.
Nonprofit organizations continue to be one of the sectors we engage most as they are - on purpose - entering into high trauma levels and working to be part of the solution every single day. In 2024, we plan to build further organizational support programs for our current nonprofit partners, and are also looking to develop support for several more nonprofits in Northwest Arkansas.
We plan to take at least two international trips in 2024 to continue to serve our partners serving the global community. We also have plans to consult with international nonprofit organizations on building out their personnel resiliency strategies.
Gap Relief will continue to spend time consulting with community leaders and representatives to build bridges for law enforcement, first responders, and other trauma-impacted sectors to receive excellent trauma care. This looks like educating leaders about the world of mental health and insurance, advocating for increased training and resiliency support through grants and other sources of funding, and being the boots-on-the-ground counselors, coaches, and trainers to bring these efforts to life.
Part of our efforts in this next year will be toward dreams that may not come to fruition in 2024, but require dedicated effort and planning in order to stay on track for the future. One of these is dreaming about a comprehensive care center for Helpers in the future. It is highly important to us to be able to provide fully rounded care for those who care for everyone else. Part of our vision includes green space, places to heal and rest, and space to better receive the trauma-informed services we are continuing to build.
Finally, an important goal we have for 2024 is to increase the care and training that we are able to offer our very own Gap Relief team–as we ourselves are a trauma-impacted organization! As we seek to be the helpers of the helpers, we are very committed to our own wellness and resiliency along the way. As part of this endeavor, we are thrilled to announce that a significant portion of our team is beginning Somatic Experiencing Training. You can follow this link to learn more about this extensive training, but this effort is seeking to be ready to provide the highest quality trauma care possible to those helpers who matter most to the people they serve, while simultaneously giving members of our team an opportunity to build resiliency within themselves. We hope that this training experience is just the tip of the iceberg when considering how we are able to bolster our team with resiliency support and care this year.
We would love to have you on our side as we transition into another great year of helping the helpers build resilient communities. We cannot do this without the support of those who benefit from the health, stability, and capacity of our first responders, nonprofit leaders, international workers, foster and adoptive families, healthcare providers, military personnel, and educators. They make our communities safer, healthier, and functional, and we at Gap Relief have the honor of getting to hold their arms up as they serve us all well.
With your personal or company end-of-year giving, please support Gap Relief.
Navigating Relationships During the Holidays
A couple of weeks ago, we released a blog post about how difficult the holiday season can be for us as helpers. We in this world are by nature trauma-impacted, so entering what should be a joyful and magical time when we are so highly aware of the hardships in our communities can be tough. Another big part of the holiday season are the relationships and connections that we encounter. High stress levels, expectations, and fitting our trauma-informed worldview into situations where a trauma-informed perspective is often severely lacking can be difficult. Today, we are talking all about how we helpers can navigate these relationships well through the season.
We know that struggling relationally during the holidays is common for everyone, not only the helper community. However, our trauma-exposure adds another layer to an already difficult season to navigate. As the seasonal stress we discussed previously accumulates, it makes sense that it would transfer into the connections around us. We have less relational capacity than we usually do as our stress levels creep higher, which can lead to confusion and a struggle to make sense of the clash between our worlds. No one wants to be the proverbial wet blanket during the holidays–and as people who are so very aware of the pain and heartbreak around us, it can be difficult not to shut down, show more frustration, and everything in between. This is not even accounting for the possible family-of-origin hardships that many already face in the community at large.
When we are trauma-informed, it can be difficult to engage relationships that are not. When we are with extended families and others we are not normally around, it is not uncommon for topics and worldviews to bring forward opinions which may be less trauma-informed than our own. We see the struggles up-close and personally where our families may not. This affects our views and opinions on these topics greatly, and it can be hard to even sit in them quietly, much less engage in these conversations and relationships when they touch a place of pain for us.
We’re talking about teachers listening to opinions about parenting and poverty when they know that the families they serve are severely under-resourced and that the problem isn’t so simple. We’re talking about police officers struggling to sit in conversations about crime levels and body cameras when their family members have no idea how nuanced and complicated these issues actually are. We’re talking about foster parents hearing about their kids’ behaviors as if neurotypical parenting and family dynamics work for them.
These examples and so many more are exactly why the holidays can be a painful reminder of the isolation that can occur due to our “yes.” Our people don’t always understand our choices and awareness of this reality can be especially hurtful this time of year. Receiving mostly well-intentioned comments like “That’s so dangerous, you should just quit.” or “Your life would be so much easier without this stress.” can be hard to hear, especially when our mission is so close to our heart. In these spaces, it is important to remember our “why” and even practice resourcing ourselves to remain regulated and confident in what we do for the communities we serve. Closing our eyes and envisioning why we said “yes”, our purpose behind that yes, and confessing the pain that may show up there to our trauma-informed people can be huge in staying connected to fellow helpers and maintaining our health in these situations.
So how can we survive and even enjoy these relationships during the holidays? We encourage finding places of connection in the midst of the disconnection and intentionally fostering those conversations. Even if these points of connection are far-removed from our typical everyday lives, sticking with safer topics can be the key to finding joy even in the hard. It’s important to remember that surface-level conversations do not always mean fake conversations.It is possible to prevent potentially sticky topics without losing who we are, and this practice may just lead to the joy and connection we need to keep saying yes to our mission.